Remember for a day or a lifetime?

This is a very powerful question for me today. How do we chose what to remember for one day and what we never forget for a lifetime? Is there a rythme or reason for how our brains store the most compelling events that happen in our daily lifes? Can I reprogram mine... especially today?

For all of you Grey's Anatomy fans out there last night was an extremely compelling episode forcing me to ask myself just that question both last night and today. Last night's episode for me took me back to the tragic event of April 16, 2007 at my alma mater, Virginia Tech. Every Hokie and every human being in the world felt a clinching blow that day, and watching the Grey's Anatomy episode last night made some of my memories from that horrific time flood back to me as well. The only difference in the real life and the pretend was that the characters in the pretend had the miraculous hands to safe all of the victims from that horrible event, something that we sadly cannot say about our friends from the Virginia Tech massacre.....

So what did this mean to me? It meant thanking God right then and there as I watched the TV screen flood my memory that I have this life. This life to share with all of my loved ones. It also meant remembering. Sure, I think about April 16th, 2007, but I don't remember that event as I should. I pray for the families of every victim from that day on each anniversary of the shooting, but I should pray for them more. I should hold that day in my memory, right on the surface to help me remember to be thankful for everything I have, because it could all be taken away from me tomorrow.

This compelling question of memory also comes at a difficult time for me today. As extremely hard as it is for me to actually write these words down... today is my wedding anniversary. I tried to promise myself that I wouldn't cry, but as I write the tears are flowing. My life has taken turns that Inever expected it would take, and today I can't help but allow those memories to hold on to me like a child clutches their blanket. I do recognize that my life will by great... is great, but my sadness of losing my marriage continues to hold on to me. Do I feel this way today because of the actual day that it is? Will I feel this way next January 7th? Will I remember this sadness on January 7th for a lifetime the way April 16th each year brings me sadness? Can I reprogram my brain to forget this day....

The answer is, I hope not. Because although I feel such deep sadness, I also in many ways feel joy. And I wouldn't have changed my path. I would have still walked down the aisle so many year ago today just the same if I would have known then that it would end this way. Every chapter of our lives is such a journey. Although I am having to close this chapter, another will open. I also received the most precious gift from this chapter of my life... a gift that will continue to bless me for the rest of my life.

I have decided to try to remember more. Those events that change our lives so drastically... I don't want to remember to be sad, but to celebrate. Celebrate the present, and all of the gifts that come with this life. Gifts that are both joyful and full of sorrow. I know if I remember, I can truly be thankful for every gift.

Beth